Harmony vs Balance

March 26, 2021

Two hands laying flat with palms open and holding a black rock with the word harmony etched in gold. The background is a red blanket.

Have you ever felt defeated when trying to balance all of the tasks in your life? While we may be amazing and loving caregivers - caregiver is a role - and it usually accompanies other roles in our lives such as being a parent to a neurotypical child, being a partner, friend, employee, etc.

And we are first and foremost ourself. A person with our own needs and desires before we take on any of the roles above.

This is one reason why the discussion around creating balance can feel overwhelming and bring up feelings of cynicism, resentment, anger and defeatism. Personally, I can feel guilt around not giving my son the same amount of time and attention that I give his sister.

Based on that, I wanted to share a recent takeaway from an autism parents discussion.

A Dad brought up the concept of balance - and asked how we create it given our roles as caregivers. In response, a Mom introduced the idea of focusing on harmony in our lives instead of balance.

Rather than worrying about each child getting the same amount of attention, take a moment to consider how much time each child actually needs to have his/her cup filled. Remove the need for equality.

It makes sense that Summer requires more attention, and while I’ve always felt a bit of guilt that Jordan has never received the same amount of attention, I never took the time to ask myself whether he actually needs it.

Thus, I can feel good about the 30-minute walk Jordan and I take every week (where he chats the entire time) and our daily hugs; and not compare it to the hours of daily engagement that his sister receives.

Simply having the discussion and mindset shift feels better - and also gives me reassurance that I can trust myself as a Mom.

Hopefully it can provide some comfort to you all as caregivers as you look at life’s different areas, allowing for harmony based on your week - maybe one week requires more attention at work while the next week requires more attention at home with appointments, paperwork, etc.

Remember - we’re all doing our best. Gift yourself love, grace and compassion.

 

 

 





Leave a comment


Also in News

Grey oval stone engrained with the word hope is sitting in the sand. There are four circles drawn in the sand around the rock.
Support & Hope

April 11, 2021

But now I understand the importance of hope. Parents of children with autism need stories of inspiration and hope so that they never give up on their kids. 

View full article →

A picture of a long girl standing on a lawn surrounded by bubbles. She has her hand reached out and a bubble is laying in her palm. The girl is wearing jean shorts and a white top.
Accepting the Journey, Stress and All

April 01, 2021 1 Comment

April is both World Autism Awareness and Stress Awareness Month. I was in denial about accepting my new role as a caregiver and also denying the fact that stress was inevitable. 

View full article →

An envelope made of manila paper is open and there are six small hearts (green, red, pink, turquoise and two yellow). The envelope is laying on paper that is covered in small red hearts.
A Love Letter to Family Caregivers

February 13, 2021

Here is my love letter to family caregivers everywhere – words to remind you of how very important you are.

View full article →

Sign up to receive my weekly blog, recipes and to learn more about upcoming retreats & courses.