Caregiving is a very challenging role, often marked by emotional exhaustion, unpredictability, and the weight of responsibility. For women with a diagnosis and their caregivers, the concept of self-care can feel like an added burden rather than a reprieve. It’s not uncommon for caregivers to express frustration or even hatred toward the term "self-care." However, this resistance to self-care may be what stands between them and the relief they desperately need.
How do I know this? Because I experienced it personally during the early years of my caregiving journey.
Understanding the Resistance to Self-Care
The intense emotions surrounding caregiving can be overwhelming. Caregivers often experience traumatic events and chronic stress, which linger in the body and mind. This emotional toll can foster anger and resentment, especially when hearing about self-care, which can seem trivial or unattainable in the face of their daily struggles.
Redefining Self-Care
My philosophy around self-care is that it’s anything that brings you joy. This perspective makes self-care accessible to everyone, regardless of their circumstances. My mission is to help caregivers regain control of their lives and rediscover the parts of themselves that may have been lost when they became caregivers. Self-care is an act of self-love, self-advocacy, and self-empowerment. It is something we get to do and want to do, not another obligation to fulfill.
Addressing Common Barriers
Caregivers often share a lack of time, respite, money, or energy as barriers to practicing self-care. This is why it is crucial to adopt a flexible and personalized approach. There’s no right or wrong way to practice self-care, no judgment, and no comparison. It is about finding what works for you, even if it means starting small. You can start with five minutes a day or 20 minutes a day.
Five Tips for Introducing Daily Self-Care
- Write Yourself a Love Letter: Acknowledge your strengths and express gratitude for your efforts.
- Make One Small Change to Your Daily Eating Habits: Add an extra vegetable to your meals.
- Play Your Favorite Music and Dance: Allow yourself a few moments of joy and movement.
- Go for a Walk During Your Break or Lunch: A brief walk can clear your mind and refresh your spirit.
- Cuddle with a Pet: Enjoy the unconditional love and comfort that pets provide.
Embracing Impermanence
Life as a caregiver is unpredictable, and plans for self-care can often be disrupted. Instead of succumbing to frustration and negative thoughts, it’s important to embrace the principle of impermanence. As Pema Chödrön said, “Impermanence is a principle of harmony. When we don’t struggle against it, we are in harmony with reality.”
Facing Fear and Finding Joy
One client shared her initial hatred of self-care because she feared finding joy in an activity only to be unable to pursue it consistently due to her daughter’s exceptional needs. This fear can keep us small and prevent us from seeking what we truly need. By acknowledging and addressing these emotions, we can begin to overcome the barriers to self-care and embrace the joy it brings.
Expanding Your Self-Care Toolkit
In addition to the five tips, consider incorporating mindfulness practices such as meditation or deep breathing exercises. These can be done in short bursts throughout the day and help in grounding yourself amidst the challenging times. Connecting with support groups, either in person or online, can also provide emotional relief and a sense of community. Sharing your experiences and hearing others' stories can remind you that you are not alone in your journey.
Living a Meaningful Life
For caregivers, the focus is often on ensuring the person with the disability, diagnosis, or illness lives a meaningful life. However, caregivers also deserve to live meaningful lives. By redefining self-care and making it accessible, we can help caregivers find balance and joy amidst the challenges they face. Let’s work together to regain control of our thoughts, stories, attitudes, and ultimately, our lives. Self-care is not just a luxury; it is a necessary component of a sustainable caregiving practice. By nurturing themselves, caregivers can better nurture those in their care, creating a healthier and more supportive environment for everyone involved.
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**This article appeared in the Special Edition 3 published in Exceptional Needs Today. To subscribe for FREE, go to exceptionalneedstoday.com. The digital, bi-monthly publication focuses on educating and energizing families, caregivers, educators, and professionals while preparing a healthy path for tomorrow. Subscribers are provided with access to the latest news/research, expert guidance, and therapies, as well as information on unique books and products.
Exceptional Needs Today aims to serve all individuals in need of special services to include autism, blindness or visual impairment, cerebral palsy, deafness or hearing impairment, developmental delay, Down syndrome, gifted/talented, health concerns, mental health, intellectual disability, learning disabilities, orthopedic impairment, speech or language impairment, and traumatic brain injury.
